Bereft
. . . fanfiction inspired by Sokyuu no Fafner. Standard disclaimers apply.
There is a certain inevitability to it. Silk, cravat, laces, jacket. Soushi is practical to a fault - he drapes each article of clothing he undoes with care on the adjacent recliner.
Kazuki lies back and watches mutely. In the surreal green-dim-glow of the lounge, everything takes on a ghostly cast. Kazuki can pretend, that none of this is actually happening, that he's caught in a waking dream. Soushi's hands are cold and deft against his neck, his skin. Kazuki does not shiver. He does not allow himself to shiver.
"What are you doing?", Kazuki begins to say, but it is a waste of time. It is entirely obvious what Soushi wants. Soushi dislikes idle words. This much Kazuki can tell. So Kazuki says nothing, even when Soushi lowers himself down, even when Soushi strokes his hair, traces the contours of his face, ice-fingers numbing his cheeks, his jaw, his spine. Snow princes, frost-heavy lashes, flash through his head.
"You're quiet," Soushi whispers, at length, into the dip of Kazuki's shoulder.
"What would you have me say?"
Soushi considers this. "Nothing," he replies, at last. "Nothing at all."
Kazuki reaches out, wheatpale filigree tickling his fingers, presses against Soushi, kisses him deep. Feels sharp teeth against his lips, tastes blood as Soushi forces him back down, an unconscious thing. Dominance, submission. Fafner, Siegfried. Dragon-slayer. All the gold in the world won't bring her back. Kazuki is burning and freezing at the same time. Guilt, hate. Soushi's tongue slips past his lips. Love, envy. Lust, lust, lust. Penance. This frightful penance.
Where do souls go when they expire? Where do the stars fritter away from his grasp? The leather of the seat is hard against his back. Soushi is more mechanical, more persistent in his wanting tonight more than ever.
Lift your arms, lift your hips, lift your knees, higher, higher. Kazuki clenches his fists, curls his toes. It is never pleasant, but pain and pleasure have become blurred in the pilot seat of the Fafner. Steel and pins and needles and stars Soushi Soushi SoushiSoushi I hate you I need you it hurts god it hurts I need you Soushi.
Kazuki bites his tongue to stop from screaming.
Soushi disengages himself with barely a sign of exertion. Kazuki sits up, feeling strangely lightheaded and sickened at the same time.
Soushi puts on his clothes with the same meticulous care he set them aside. Turning to go, he hands Kazuki his jacket.
"Switch off the lights if you're not staying."
Then he is gone.
Kazuki shuts his eyes.
Above, unseen, the clouds drift across a rent in the night sky, constellations winking in and out of sight, a glimmer of tears shed too late.